Bali with baby

Bali with baby

Bali. I’d been planning this baby-free vacation with the hubster for months. Sun, sand, cocktails and most importantly – no baby. Arrangements had been made to deposit her with my parents and swoooosh… I’d be off on a jet plane to an island where all I had to worry about for six days was myself having a fabulous time without worrying about little Ri.

And then the universe crapped all over my lovely plans. We had set aside four days to help her get adjusted and while she was content frolicking away with my folks during the day, she’d spend the nights wailing and asking for me. The relentless screaming was too much, so on the fourth day, we bought a ticket for her.

Bali with baby. Awesome, simply awesome.

It served me right to go all out and download five books on my Kindle thinking I’d have all the time in the world for once. It served me right to be filled with glee as I went through my packing checklist which included no baby items. It served me right to think that I could put myself first for a change.
Is it fair to be this needed? Am I to give up being selfish forever? When will I be allowed to make plans for ME? All these questions swim in my mind.

And then amidst all these nagging thoughts floats in a vision. Of a day somewhere in the future. I see Ri, but she’s not little anymore but a young adult. Her face is chiseled and radiant, her hair is straight and tied up into a bun, very much unlike the crazy loose curls she flaunts right now. She’s with her friends and they’re in a pool, soaking in the sun and laughing away. They talk about all the things they have to do before they leave and head back home. Bucket lists and scandalous dares. So much madness in their giggles. Ri is happy. And I’m the last thing on her mind.

Perhaps it’s best that I stop worrying about these questions because I’m sure when I do get the answers, I won’t want them.

Till then I only need to bask in the beauty of the truth that for now, I am her whole world.

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